My child suffers, and me?
Children’s problems are not independent of us, the parents
By Hagit Rabbi
Every time I get on a plane to teach somewhere in the world I pray. After organizing everything before this type of trip (making sure my partner and my children do not starve while I'm away which means preparing the refrigerator as if a war was about to start) I take enough time to ask the Creator for one thing only: the inspiration to bring the necessary strength to renew the souls of those people that I am about to meet. This time a short prayer came to me: "God use me!" A personal version of a famous prayer by St. Francis of Assisi: "Lord make me an instrument of your peace...”
And this prayer was answered unexpectedly. Not only did HE give me the exact words to convey during the Gym for Life seminar in Europe but he also gave me a new experience as a teacher: the ability to grasp the message of the soul of a young man who is no longer in this world and pass it on to his mother.
The seminar had begun. A woman in her fifties sat down in front of me and with tears in her eyes introduced herself: "My name is Andy. I’m from France. I arrived in Luxembourg six months ago to start my life again. I am separated and I lost a son. My son committed suicide a year ago. "
Those who were not brought to tears by the pain of this woman could not stop themselves at the last part of the seminar when Andy red aloud the blessing for her deceased son. We all cried and I knew that I would see her again but this time in a Personal Encounter.
When I finished the seminar and returned to the hotel I sent her an email and we arranged to meet one day before my trip to Barcelona (the next destination of Gym for Life).
We met at a café and she began telling me the story of her life: "A week before I married, my ex-husband put me against the wall and with his hands around my neck he threatened to strangle me. I was very young and I thought that if so many people had bought tickets to come to our wedding then it was too late to cancel. So I married him. Because of my Catholic upbringing I did not have the courage to even think about getting a divorce even though violence reigned in our house. The one who suffered the most was Saul. His father mistreated him physically but above all emotionally. "
After describing a very violent episode she paused to wipe away the tears that flooded her face and said: "You know that in the New Testament it is written that what God has joined man cannot separate. And so even after that I never left.”
I asked her to give me a moment to explain the true meaning of this phrase as taught by the author of The Grail Message. When Jesus said these words, he meant a connection between two souls that were destined for each other according to a higher plan. And when that happens it is automatically forbidden for third parties to interfere and cause separation between them. For example, when children choose for love, a couple that does not meet the expectations of their parents, whether for economic reasons, religious or whatever. Parents, according to these words, are prohibited from interfering.
Andy looked at me surprised and I added: "The point is that the message of Jesus, which was a spiritual message, was interpreted materially and intellectually and thus what God united became equivalent to the power of the church. So then those who marry through their representatives have Forbidden to separate."
There was a long silence.
"I don’t know what culture you come from but where I come from" Andy continued "we have to work hard and earn a lot of money so that we can go on expensive vacations, send the boys to expensive schools, buy expensive clothes and finally go to an expensive nursing home. And so, my ex-husband and I worked endlessly in well-paid jobs that regularly required a change of country. My other two boys adapted easily to the changes and to the fact they almost didn’t see me. But Saul was different. He was a very sensitive child, an artist in essence, and not only suffered from lack of love at home but also at school. Children mistreated him, he could not get used to the different languages and with the passing of the days he became a sad and lonely boy. Sometimes we would meet late at night, hug each other and he would ask me to stay with him and wonder if there was a possibility that I might separate from his father. But I had to work and work and work... and I was not there for him."
We both cried.
Is there anything more painful in this life than to realize that you were not there for your child even though he asked you expressly again and again and now he is dead and nothing can be done? How can you continue to live with that weight on your shoulders, with guilt in your soul day and night? And what words could I offer to strengthen the spirit of this woman?
"God use me!" I prayed without a voice. "Give me the words to console and strengthen the soul of this miserable woman."
And suddenly words began to flow through me. They were not words received through inspiration. They were words I could recognize as words of Saul's soul.
"Do not worry. I came to teach you that the most important thing in life is the heart and embracing each other."
Andy looked at me in amazement.
"I cannot believe what you're saying Hagit! In Saul's room there was a huge poster that he hung on the wall with all the organs of the human body and in a red there was the heart. At the top of the poster was written: The most important thing in life is the heart and to embrace each other. "
Yes. It was his soul that spoke through me. I empty myself again in order to capture the message he wanted to convey to his mother.
"I came to teach the whole family but especially you mother. Teach you to love. You must learn that the most important is the heart, to embrace each other. Unfortunately I could not wake you up in life and that is why my death is a desperate attempt to teach you this lesson. Mom, I could not go my way and I'm bound to you until you learn to connect with the heart. Do not cry and do not worry about my departure. Open your heart so that an abundance of love can flow through you to those who need it most. If you succeed, my death will not have been in vain and my soul will be able to be free and happy."
Andy was shaking.
I tried to explain Saul’s words to her: "Between parents and children there is a covenant of souls. Do you know the difference between a covenant and a contract?" I asked. She shook her head as if to say no. "When a contract is signed each party can terminate it if it is no longer useful. But in a covenant this is not the case. In a covenant, each party is a guarantor of the happiness of the other and both are willing to take upon suffering themselves if necessary, for their partner/ally to wake up."
Andy followed me with attention and I continued: "The most sacred covenant is that which exists between children and their parents. The laws of reincarnation do not allow any coincidence as regards the choice of the soul in the gestation period. That is why when a child unconsciously perceives that his parents are not where they have to be in life he is able to take for himself a certain difficulty (health, social, in school) to awaken them. In that difficulty, he acts as a mirror for his parents. If they dare to see it as their own and take over instead of treating the child or punishing him, the difficulty disappears by itself."
Tears. Many tears.
“Andy, I promise you that someday we will study together why the soul does not cease to exist after death. But now the important thing is that you understand that the soul of Saul continues to put a mirror in front of you. 'The most important thing is the heart.' Stop mourning, stop blaming yourself and don’t keep on working like crazy to forget the pain. Otherwise his death will have been in vain. But if you take it as the greatest gift that someone can ever give to your soul and you grow into love, the two of you will be liberated."
"How?" Andy said hopefully and desperately.
"Listen to your heart. He will guide you. Do you remember what happened on Saturday at the end of the seminar?"
"Of course!" She answered immediately. "I sat right next to Haled, the boy who escaped from Syria and who is just Saul's age. I thought he's here without a mom and I'm here without a child and maybe we can help each other. Maybe it's not a coincidence. "
"Exactly Andy. There are no coincidences. From now on life will give you repeated opportunities to open your heart, to love. Take them. Do not disappoint Saul. "
"I'm not going to disappoint him," she said. "I promise."
"Excuse me, do you want to order dessert?" Asked the waiter rather uncomfortably.
"No thanks." We said both at the same time.
Andy took a picture of Saul from her wallet and gave it to me.
"Hagit, I want you to have it. If you hear anything else from him, will you write to me? "
I had no words, only tears.
"You know" she said "on Saul's birthday, after his death, I finally decided to separate from his father. And when I wrote the farewell letter I felt someone dictating it to me. I wrote that I forgave him, that I do not want to live with a feeling of bitterness and that I want him and all the members of our family to find peace and love. Do you think it was maybe Saul who helped me?"
Just before we said goodbye, she looked at me and said, "I did not know why I chose to live in Luxembourg. I had no particular reason. I just listened to my heart ... or to Saul’s." She laughed. "But now I know that I came here to meet you."
The happiness of my soul knew no bounds because as the saying goes: "To save one soul is like saving the whole world."