FROM SEDUCTION TO CONNECTION
AN EXPERIENCE OF PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION
By Julieta Jersonsky
Year 2000, city of Buenos Aires, twenty years old.
After two courtships/ engagement in a row, I made the decision to 'be free'. I remember my speech then: "I've been a girlfriend for too long, now I want to be with one, with another, with the one that I want. ¨
I do not know exactly from where my feeling of not having freedom came from. Maybe, a last jealous boyfriend who made a fuss for everything. Maybe, from a demanding family that any boyfriends of mine don’t liked them. Or maybe, from something very deep on me, a kind of impulse that today I interpret as a creative force and, at that moment, faced with my inability to translate it into something tangible, I used it at the expense of my sexuality.
Thus began a stage in my life in which everything went through seduction and conquest. Many, they thought me charming. Many others, they did not support me. For my part, I felt powerful, my self-esteem was high, stood out among my friends and I had a good time ... at the beginning.
I never was someone who wears miniskirts and neckline, possibly because my body was not up to standard (I has always been very thin) but had more curves, no doubt, my outfits would have been others. The key here was my attitude and also my speeches. He talked all the time about sex, especially with my male friends, wanting to believe that my words did not echo in them, but knowing deep down that he seduced them. Almost 400 years ago, René Descartes said: 'I think, therefore I am' or even more literally: 'I think, then I am'. I, if I did not seduce, was nothing. Did not exist. Seduction was everything. The seduction was me.
One day, things started to get out of hand. I remember once in a bar where a friend worked. I had told him that I wanted to have an extra job and he invited me to visit the bar and met his friend the owner, to see if I would like to do a few hours as a waitress. I remember this moment as if it were today, how insecure I felt and how nervous I was. We chatted a long time the three, until in a moment I went to the bathroom. When I left, there was my friend's friend (the owner of the bar), waiting for me with 'I came because you called me' and very well predisposed to intimate in private. I was surprised, it did not appear in my conscience to have thrown any hint to him, but even so, I reacted like a good femme fatal, without showing him for a second that he was wrong. And although it did not happen, it happened more than I would have liked. Inside me, there was nothing of femme fatal. I had this attitude so well impregnated, that I even found myself in situations like that, in which not only I did not feel seductive, but also as I described before, I felt insecure and nervous. It was something that I did not control, that happened without my consent and that left me trapped in episodes like that, from which I could not leave. It was as if the mechanism of seduction had taken on a life of its own until it became automatic. He did not have a good time but he could not do anything else. I did not want to be with one and another, but I did it anyway.
My wanderings in search of freedom led me to men who reflected what I was then: rude on the outside and insecure on the inside, discontented with themselves, oppressed by the mandates, who sought their freedom in the same way that me. Men with whom you could only have relationships without confidence and harmony. There was always something to be suspected, always something indecipherable to discuss. If everything was wrong, talking only led us to being worse. Zero communication Basically, hell. I spent a lot of time wondering 'why me', 'why always with this kind of men', is that you can not be in the game and pretend something different! And there are things that it is always easier to see them in the other than in yourself. So one day, observing them, I realized what I was, and I also discovered, with what eyes I chose them. Was it with the eyes of the soul? Of course not!
As in most cases, we 'wake up' because the suffering is already too big, and at that moment, my suffering was too big for me. In that state I arrived at ALMA, Center of Spiritual Development that today I manage together with Haguit, the founder. As I always say when I tell my story, this was my 'salvation'. Salvation between quotation marks because we already know that each one saves himself, and I arrived at ALMA by my own impulse. But it was thanks to the knowledge I acquired here, to the support and containment I received, and to the network that we put together, that I could begin my metamorphosis. The first and one of the biggest transformations I would experience.
Already on a brighter path, the first thing I did was admitting to myself that more than femme fatal, was an ovum against nature. The ovum waits for the fastest and strongest sperm to fecundate it. Wait as the queens wait on their thrones. Until then I had been an ovule hunter, pursuer of worms. So, for the first time in my young life, I dared to see my face behind the mask: I saw my anguish, my grief, my low self-esteem, how lost I was, and that impulse I spoke at the beginning, so weakened by the misuse, but he was still alive.
I was devastated but ready to start again. Little by little I understood. I understood that being free was not what I thought, but being myself. That to be myself, I must first know who I am, know my soul. That once I knew who I was, the next step would be to accept myself as I am and to love myself deeply, because it is very clearly indicated: 'love your neighbor as yourself'. That to recognize my talents and virtues does not mean to be egocentric, but quite the opposite: when we know what we are capable of, we have more tools to ennoble the world doing what we came to do, and more tools we have to help others. That femininity is an invaluable treasure that we must safeguard at all costs, and whose strength lies in enlightening and elevating. To illuminate and elevate, we must maintain the connection with the soul: when we seduce anyone, at any time and place, we give away that connection gratuitously and unnecessarily. The soul and the body maintain an intimately close relationship and when the body becomes an object, the soul too.
Time began to pass and my changes were remarkable. Now that I recognized the chosen wrong path, and could distinguish light from darkness, there was nothing and no one who could stop my evolution. Of course I had a lot to go, but I did not need to conquer anyone to feel alive, or fill my gaps with the company of strangers. Little by little I knew who I was, what I wanted, what I did NOT want anymore, and so one day, in one of the many interviews I did every day in my work (I was a staff selector), I met him. When I saw him in the entrance hall, nothing in particular caught my attention. Then, when we went into the room and started talking, the magic happened. There was no attempt at conquest on his part at all. For anyone who observed us, everything went smoothly. Only he and I knew it was not just another interview. I remember what I said to my partner after saying goodbye: 'Nati, rain of hearts'. To which she replied: `Juliet, stop taking drugs. '
Sure enough, the magic had happened and I was not drugged. The interviewee and the writer, we got boyfriends a few days after that first meeting and in less than a year we lived together. When you connect with someone from soul to soul, it is impossible to become distracted. And if the connection is strong as in this case, the fact that he was 14 years older, separated and with children, you do not care a bit. The only thing you want is to enjoy that harmony, that peace, to have someone next to you who accepts you as you are and who wants you that way, with all your flats. How did I get to this? Having learned to prioritize the essence over the forms, accepting myself as I am, loving myself as I am, and in that way, achieving peace with myself. Without that previous transformation, we would never have met. Because to meet, it is a fundamental condition, to vibrate the same frequency.
This experience is embodied in QUEEN, THE SECRETS OF UNFORGETTABLE WOMEN, a short seminar in which we reveal the 4 secrets of the Free Woman:
- The connection with your own beauty
- The true strength of femininity
- The mission as a woman
- How to vibrate the frequency of love (whether you are as a couple or if you are looking for it)
DEAR WOMAN, YOU HAVE A DATE WITH YOURSELF
Saturday December 01 from 9:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.
If you are a man, give a Queen's morning gift to the women of your life.
For more informations, clic here